


I Will Never Forget You

by spazzgirl



Series: Our Love's a Tragedy [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, romanogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 19:39:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7587247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spazzgirl/pseuds/spazzgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For someone who told lies all her life, she could never lie about her heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Never Forget You

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a sequel to "What My Heart Yearns For" and is now part of a series. Like this was something unexpected but whatever! Anyways this is in Nat's P.O.V. and there are some elements from the prequel. 
> 
> Also please listen to Sonna Rele's version of "Never Forget You" by Zara Larasson
> 
> Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used

_You’re in love with him_

_And he’s in love with you_

_And it’s like a goddamn tragedy_

_Because you look at him and see the stars_

_And he looks at you and sees the sun_

_And you both think the other is just looking at the ground_

It hurt a lot when he announced his engagement to Sharon. How much it crushed her when she saw him marrying the blonde CIA agent. She knew she couldn’t do anything, that Steve deserved everything… he deserved

_Better_

She was broken and couldn’t give him anything. Natasha couldn’t give him a family. A child to carry on his legacy, a child that he could hold happily in his arms. Steve Rogers was a man who sacrificed everything for the sake of his country. He didn’t need someone who got by with lies coming from her lips. He didn’t need someone so broken as she was.

Natasha didn’t know why she ended up saying yes when James had asked her to marry him. She guessed that they had gone through similar experiences. It was easier to be with someone who was just as broken as you were. Being with James helped forget the pain she had when she left Steve. She knew she was hurting the super soldier but it was for the best. He was everything that she wanted but couldn’t have.

_Nothing but a memory_

_Stolen kisses_

_Lingering loving looks_

_Secret getaways_

_Passionate nights_

Those were all in the past as she buried them forever in the back of her mind. She learned to move on – adapt as she was trained to do. When Steve was married, the two rarely saw each other outside of the Avengers group. The put their personal feelings and attachment aside for the sake of the team. The pained in look in Steve’s eyes when she told him that their secret love affair was a mistake, forever haunted her. Her heart in pain and screaming at her.

Being with James brought back those lonely nights they had in the Red Rooms. Still it wasn’t his arms she wanted around her waist. It wasn’t his name that she wanted to cry out during heated nights. His eyes weren’t those beautiful baby blue eyes she had come to love. Sometimes she ends up waking up in delusion, seeing blond hair instead of brown. The two would keep up their playful banter for the sake of the team. Every time they looked at each other, the love and want was still there but they could never be.

So as time had gone by, they learned to put all their memories locked up. Until the Reality Stone incident. Instincts kicked in when Natasha saw Steve get hit with it, but she didn’t expect to be hit with the Infinity Stone. Nor was she prepared to see that scene.

****

“MAMA!” Turning around she spotted a small blond boy running up to her with a few stumbles in his steps. He giggled the moment he wrapped his arms around his waist and smiled up at her. Her eyes widened as he had the same pair of eyes as she did. But everything screamed out Steve. “Mama.”

For some reason her body moved on its own and kneeled in front of the little boy. “How are you James?”

_James_

_James Rogers_

“I’m good mama,” she felt her heart tug as she watched the little boy frown, “where’s papa?”

_Steve_

She looked at her left hand that was cupping the little boy’s cheek. Two rings were spotted – an engagement and a wedding ring. Natasha brought her attention back to her ‘son.’ “Don’t worry baby boy. Daddy’s just probably busy with work.”

“He’s gonna come home, right?”

“Of course and we’ll go out to daddy’s favorite dinner and have some milkshakes.”

“Yay,” he happily grinned up at her. The two heard a car coming up and she watched as this child run inside the house. “Daddy!”

Natasha followed the small blond and watched as a bigger version of himself pick him up and laugh.

“Hey kiddo,” James laughed as Steve held him. Looking over she watched as Steve give her a look of love and affection. “Hey Nat.”

Her body moved on its own again as found herself standing in front of her. She gave him a loving smile. “Hey soldier, welcome home.”

Steve gave her that boyish grin of his and kissed her. She felt her heart soar as his lips pressed against her own. How much she missed his body pressed against her own.

****

The next thing she knew she woke up in a hospital with James – her fiancé, the man that hers and Steve’s imaginary child would be name after. When Natasha was in Steve’s office, she couldn’t allow her emotions get the best of her. The Black Widow façade had come out and told him to forget about what they saw. But in the end she found herself in their secret cabin. Their safe haven that they spend so many passionate nights together. The place where she taught Steve how to dance. A secret home that they shared their past with one another. Confessions of love were declared.

“Just for one night let it just be us.”

_Just us_

_Like how it used to be_

_So in love_

Natasha knew that they would regret everything later on, but this is what her heart wanted, _yearned_ for. Moaning as they kissed, his hard body against her soft one. Strong calloused hands caressing her sides. They danced their dance, their movements so in sync with one another. How good it felt when he moved against her, on top of her, shielding her from the cruel reality of the world. How wonderful it felt to wear his dog tags again alongside the engagement ring he had bought – that one day he would had propose to her had she not left him. Before the sun rose, she watched him sleeping peacefully. A smile gracing his lips and how good it felt being curled up against him. That she belonged in his arms and next to him. How they belonged to one another. She knew that she had to leave and bury everything again.

Her hand reached out, lightly tracing his face and pushing his hair back. She gave him a small kiss on his lips before taking off his dog tags and engagement and placing it on the pillow. Quickly she put her clothes back on her and looked back. Her heart aching but had to put on a strong front. Looking down at her left hand and the engagement ring James had given her. Natasha looked back at the sleeping soldier on the bed.

_I will never forget you my soldier_

Perhaps in a different time, a different place they could have been. But this was reality and happy endings don’t come very often. She knew that the choices they made always had consequences. Everything that Natasha did was for him because he was a man that deserved better, better than her. So with one last lingering look she left the cabin and headed back home to James Barnes.

****

After showering and changing into a camisole she crawled into the bed as James scooted over a bit and pull her close to him. Natasha had to remind herself that she was with James and not Steve. But it was Steve Rogers who would always have her heart. It was the man who smile was warm as the sun that she wanted to be with but could never be.

_Their love_

_Could never be_

She wanted to cry so badly but she know she couldn’t. Natasha taught herself that tears shouldn’t be wasted on a man. But what happens if it’s a man that she so desperately yearned for. A man that she could never forget. Turning over she watched James’ sleeping face. Letting out a deep sigh she snuggled against his chest and forced herself to sleep.

****

Natasha found herself dropping her knife and fork as she was cutting up her steak salmon. The scent nauseating her and forcing her to run to the bathroom. Kneeling in front of the toilet, she began to empty the contents of her stomach. It took a while before she composed herself. Fear ran through her body as she checked the calendar on her phone. Her period was a week late.

_It wouldn’t be_

_It shouldn’t be possible_

Her hands went up to her breast and winced slightly as she noticed how sensitive they were becoming, much more than when she was on her period. Instantly her brain began to go through all the signs; her period was late, the scent of fish or the thought alone caused her to become nauseated, and how she easily got tired from her jogs.

****

She found herself twiddling her thumbs as she sat on the examination table of a doctor’s office. She had pay them plenty of money to make sure to get rid of all evidence of her visit. Natasha had also chosen her former cover; Natalie Rushman. An hour had passed after her examination and now she was waiting for the results. Her head perked up as the doctor entered the room with the clip board in hand as she locked the door.

“Well Ms. Rushman I must say congratulations. You are pregnant.” The doctor smiled at the Russian spy.

Her fears came true. She was pregnant.

_Pregnant_

_Something that shouldn’t have been possible_

“I assume this was something not planned.”

“Most definitely not.” No, being pregnant was something she had never planned because the Red Room made sure she couldn’t. That they took away everything that made their ballerinas…. _human._

“Well there are options.”

“I know that,” she’s tugging and twisting the hem of her shirt.

The doctor nods, “Well as promised, we’ll destroy everything of this checkup.”

“Thank you,” the doctor nods again and leaves the room. Natasha finds herself placing a gentle hand on her flattened stomach. A million thoughts running through her head

_Adoption_

She could give birth in secrecy and then leave the child at an orphanage. This child will never know about their parentage. But of course if this child does the impossible (assuming that this child has the serum in their veins) that they would become a target. So that left her with one option.

_Abortion_

Get rid of it

She could hear the haunted voices

_You are the Black Widow_

_You cannot afford any form of attachment_

_We will begin the ceremony_

_You were trained to kill not to feel!_

_You were trained not to feel human_

_Remember your training Natalia_

Her hand grips her shirt tightly. “What am I going to do with you?” Natasha knows that she has to decide what to do with this growing child. And she knows that whatever choice she decides, will end up with consequences later on in life.

**Author's Note:**

> This ending was so hard for me, originally it was either Nat finds out she's preggers on her own or by a SHIELD physician so in the end I mixed them both.


End file.
